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64 min: From the corner, the ball finds its way to Glen Johnson, unmarked at the far post on the edge of the six yard box. He shoots wide.

63 min: Frank Lampard tries to score with a left-footed surface-to-air screamer from 25 yards. Howard palms it over the bar for a corner.

61 min: Dnoovan whips in the free-kick, Bocanegor ghosts through the penalty area and attempts to head the ball goalwards. He hits it with his shoulder and it flashes well wide.

57 min: This computer of mine is starting to act the maggot - having crashed twice in quick succession. Jamie Carragher and Steven Gerrard have been booked, the former for a foul on Robbie Findlay, the latter for mouthing off at the referee after being penalised for something or other. Free-kick to the USA in the England right-back position.

57 min: "Was there any English player who offered any support to Green after the goal or at halftime?" asks Peter Cederblad. "I didnt see any. All left him to swallow it. I thought it was still a team sport?" Now that you mention it, nobody said a word to him immediately after the goal or on the way off at half-time. You could spin that positively by saying that nobody hit him either.

56 min: It was (c), a quite pathetic but not entirely surprising effort.

55 min: You don't need me to tell you it's (b) or (c), do you?

51 min: Heskey is put clean through on the American goal by aslide-rule pass from Aaron Lennon. With only Tim Howard to beat, does he (a) show Howard "the eyes" before nonchalently flicking the ball over him and wheeling away in celebration before it's nestling in the back of the net, (b) balloon the ball high and wide with a wild slice or (c) shoot straight at the goalkeeper, making it easy for him to save?

50 min: Wayne Rooney latches on to a long ball from Ashley Cole in the england left back position, but is flagged for offside. Replays show it was Heskey who was needlessly standing a yard offside.

50 min: England are starting to dominate again, pinging lots of balls into the USA penalty area, but without managing to create anything in the way of clear-cut chances.

49 min: Aaron Lennon beats Carlos Bocanegro for pace down the right flank, cuts inside and tries to get a cross in. It's blocked.

47 min: Jay Demerit gets booked for ... I think, deliberate handball.

Second half: This is all pointing towards a hideous defeat for England. Jamie Carragher is on for Ledley King and has slotted in beside John Terry. If one of those two liabilities-on-legs doesn't give away a penalty in the second half while playing in front of a keeper whose nerves are shot, I'll eat ... a bite-sized portion of the paper cup containing the coffee Jimbo brought me earlier.

ITV1 v RTE: "No common ground between the analysts at all," writes Peter McNally. "Souness saying Ingerland are 'miserable' and US playing the better stuff. Giles saying heskey has been terrible. It's all about where your sitting I guess."

Some actual match analysis from Jonathan Wilson wannabe Ger McCarthy: "The Americans closing down of the England midfield is cutting off the supply-line to Rooney and Heskey," he writes. "USA are visibly growing in confidence and I wouldn't be surprised to see the Yanks score again before the night is out."

I'm not one to blow my own vuvuzela, so I'm glad Danny Last has mailed in to big me up, so I don't have to do it myself: "It might be a fairly good time in the minute-by-minute to remind folks that you sent me this tweet 9 (nine) hours ago in relation to Joe Hart: 'C'mon, look at the two butterfingered gaffe-merchants he's up against'. Butterfingered gaffe-merchant you say?" Have a look at Danny's website - it's top notch ... and I'm not just saying that because he's blowing smoke up my nether regions.

Half-time analysis: It's like an end-of-season game in Italy," chuckles James Richardson, as he brings me my coffee ... because he knows his place.

"When England won the World Cup in 1966 they had Gordon Banks in goal," writes Nick Higgins. "When they came 4th in 1990, they had Peter Shilton. England will not win the World Cup with Rob Green between the sticks."

"I fully expected Jonathan Spector to be the West Ham-based gaffe-maker in this tournament, but thankfully Robert Green beat him to the punch," writes Patrick Sheehan. "I feel bad for him and the US certainly doesn't deserve it, but the sour look on Beckham's face was well worth it. I'm still holding out hope of belting out a non-ironic 'USA! USA! USA!' chant after all this is done."

"America enjoys English spill," chortles Martin Brennan.

Half-time

45+2 min: England have lost all their momentum in the wake of Green's rick. They were ripping the USA a new one, but seem a bit shell-shocked since conceding. It's half-time now anyway, so they have 15 minutes to regroup.

44 min: England are rattled after that - there's no two ways about it. They alleviate some of the self-induced pressure on themselves by winning a corner courtesy of Aaron Lennon off Carlos Bocanegro. I feel sorry for Rob Green - he's a top, top bloke, by all accounts, but he doesn't half make life difficult for himself.

42 min: "Taibi-esque," says James Richardson and he's not wrong. That was shocking - Dempsey tried his luck from 30 yards, his low shot bounced twice, Green hunkered down to gather it in his hands, somehow palmed it diagonally behind him and then watched in horror as it trickled over the line.

GOAL! ENGLAND 1-1 USA (Green og) Oh my God, that's a horror show from England goalkeeper Rob Green, who spills a soft Clint Dempsey strike from distance over his own line. That's as bad a goalkeeping gaffe as you'll see in this tournament.

38 min: Steve Cherundolo gets booked for a foul on Shaun Wright-Phillips, not long after Landon Donovan had forced English hearts into mouths with a dipping shot from distance that bounced in front of Robert Green before fizzing wide of the right upright.

37 min: Shaun Wright-Phillips tries his luck from distance. His low daisy-cutter from 25 yards is skewed well wide of the far post.

34 min: England turn the screw, with Wright-Phillips and Ashley Cole combining beautifully down the left flank, before the full-back brings a crucial interception out of Ricardo Clark when he pulls the ball back into the penalty area from the touchline.

32 min: After getting treatment on his rib area, Tom Howard is passed fit to continue. Shaun Wright-Phillips takes up position on England's left flank, I think, presumably prompting Aaron Lennon to move across to the right.

30 min: England substitution: This is interesting. Mindfuil of the fact that James Milner has already bpicked up a yellow card, Fabio Capello gets out the shepherd's crook and hauls him off. Shaun Wright-Phillips is going to replace him.

28 min: Brave goalkeeping by Tim Howard, who dives at the feet of the onrushing Emile Heskey as the English striker slides in to try and get on the end of a wonderful James Milner cross from the right flank. That looks nasty. The injury, that is. The challenge was fair; it was a 50-50 ball that both players had every right to go for.

27 min: The Amercians go close to restoring parity again. Landon Donovan whips a diagonal free-kick across the face of the England goal and Oguchi Onyewu leaps highest. His header flashes wide of the upright.

25 min: James Milner gets turned inside out by Steve Cherundolo and is booked for persistentfouling. That's the third time he's done it so he can have no complaints. Free-kick to the USA wide on the right flank.

24 min: From about 50 yards out from the England goal, the ball is pinged to findley's feet by Mike Bradley. He attempts to steer it into the path of Altidore's run into the penalty area, but Ledley King reads the danger, steps in and clears. Good attacking, good defending.

22 min: A quarter of the game gone and England are very much in the driving seat. That siad, The USA have responded well to going a goal down, having settled into the match and created a couple of excellent chances when they could have crumbled and gone three or four down.

21 min: Now England go close again. The ball is knocked in to Heskey, who has DeMerit and Onyewu in his pocket. Rooney reads the flick and plays the ball out left to Aaron Lennon. He ferrets forward then sends in a low drive, which Steve Cheundolo stretches to hoof clear. That's a great interception by the American defender - if he hadn't got a toe to the ball, Rooney was lurking behind him waiting to poke home from six yards.

19 min: Jozy Altidore blows a mnarvellous opportunity to put the USA all square. Landon Donovan curled a marvellous cross in behind the England defence, the unmarked former Hull City striker rose highest and scuffed a feeble header wide when he had one third of the goal to bury it in. It was a feeble effort - almost as if he was afraid of hurting himself.

17 min: "John Harkes, former US national team captain, analyzed England goal by saying: 'It's not good to fall behind this early'," writes James Wells. "Is Jonathan Wilson overthinking this game? Judging from the quality of the former players who become commentators, I'm not sure they realize there are 11 players on the pitch, let alone the difference between a 4-4-2 (diamond) and a 4-2-3-1."

16 min: "I can still hear the bloody Great Escape theme," writes Tom Prankerd. "I thought the vuvuzelas would spare us that at least."

14 min: As is their wont, England's players fall aslepp at the corner, allowing the USA to take it short(ish), from where a cross is squared across the edge of the penalty area to the unmarked Clint Dempsey. The pass is wayward and skids past him, just out of reach. England get away with their lapse in concentration.

12 min: Good defending from Steven Gerrard, after USA right-back Steve Cherundolo had sent robbie Findlay on his way with a through-ball down the inside right flank. The pacey Findlay got to it before it went wide, but Gerrard slid in to block his attempted cross and put the ball out of play. From that corner, USA win another, then another.

10 min: England goalkeeper Rob Green is forced to make his first save of the match when Clint Dempsey gets on the end of a Landon Donovan cross from the right and sends a weak header straight at him.

8 min: Never one for hyperbole, ITV commentator Clive Tyldesley is now talking about how England's players will be feted for the rest of their lives if they win this World Cup. It is, after all, in the bag now. England win a free-kick from distance, then a corner. It's swung into the mixer, where Glen Johnson is penalised for hand-ball.

6 min: That's a a great confidence-booster for the much maligned (by me as much as anyone else) Emile Heskey. He's bossing his marker in the air and on the deck and has set up England's first goal of the tournament. A goal, they're saying in our office, that wasn't shown on ITV's HD coverage, becauue they were showing an advert at the time.

GOAL! England 1-0 USA (Gerrard 4) That's a great start for England. From a throw-in on the edge of the final third, the ball found its way to Heskey in instalments. With his back to goal, he dinked an inch-perfect reverse pass to Gerrard from the edge of the penalty area. The England captain ran onto it and slotted a low shot past Howard and into the back of the net.

3 min: Jozy Altidore finds himself free down the left wing, scurries forward and squares a low ball. None of his team-mates are in the vicinity and it's cleared.

2 min: A long ball is pumped towards Heskey and he beats Onyewu in the air on the edge of the American penalty area. The ball is hacked clear.

1 min: And they're off. USA's players are wearing navy shirts, shorts and socks with red trim.

Pete McGushin has had enough and he's not going to take any more: "Just a few words to counter the well reasoned and friendly comments of your USA readers," he writes. "I expect a phenomenally boring game, that will at no point live up to the tabloid hype. And [rudde word] to the USA and their team. Why their players are sauntering around South Africa instead of mopping up oily pelicans in the Mexican Gulf region baffles me. But then again, catching a bus baffles me too."

National anthems: The England players stand eyes front with their hands behind their backs for God Save The Queen. For The Star Spangled Banner, the Americans turn slightly to their left to face their flag, each player with one hand on his heart and the other on the left shoulder of the player in front of them.
Score after tunnel: England 1-0 USA.
Score after anthems: England 1-1 USA.

Pre-match niceties: The teams emerge from the tunnel, with Steven Gerrard leading England in all white with red numbers on their backs. Team USA are wearing tracksuit tops over their jersies, so I don't know what colour shirts they have on.

Not long now: In the ITV studio, pundits Patrick Vieira, Gareth Southgate and Gareth Southgate have all gone for an England win. Meanwhile in the Royal Bafokeng Stadium in Rustenburg, the teams are lining up in the tunnel. "The Americans look like they're going to be sick in the tunnel," remarks my podcasting comrade James Richardson. Over the noise of the vuvuzelas and the excited high-pitched babble of the 22 mascots, there's plenty of industrial effing and jeffing as the players try to gee each other up before heading out on to the field. "C'mon boys!"

A tricky one, here: I can't figure out if John Donnelly is for or against England, but I'm trying to achieve some balance in my USA! USA! USA! v England email publication, so I think it's the former. "Come on England," he writes. "You chancers. You overpaid mummy's boys. You feckless, thick faced mercenaries. You destroyers of all that is glorious about the beautiful game. You offenders of decency. You key fobs. You merch ponys. You hockers, you divers, you cheats. Fair enough. Go on then. You won the genetic lottery. Now stop canting, churling and excusing and bring back the World Cup to God's own country."

Some pre-match emails: "I have a feeling that little doggy's about to chew on some fenders, Mr. G," writes Byron Whitley from New York. "Gonna be fun either way." He's not wrong - I'm tremendously excited about this game of football.

"As an American I have an odd question for today," asks Christopher Price. "If Team USA were to win today what chance would the players have of being hailed as heroes
in the non-English parts of the British isles plus Ireland? I have not been this nervous for a game since the first Arsenal/Barca game." I think I can speak for the vast majority of petty celts, Christopher, when I say that should USA triumph tonight, Landon Donovan, Jozy Altidore, Tim Howard and chums will never have to buy a drink in Scotland, Wales and the Republic of Ireland again.

"As an American and a Villa fan, I at once am thrilled and deeply sympathetic re: the selection of Heskey," writes Jake McIntyre. "That must have been one hell of a pan-European manager orgy that he photographed a decade ago."

"I'm an ex-pat sat in Germany in my England togs waiting nervously for the game to begin and I'll admit that I groaned when I saw that you were doing the MBM because I always find you so anti-England," writes Ray King. "However, after giving me the chance to look at that extremely insightful and moving link I'll cut you some slack tonight." Yup, that's me - so anti-England I live in the place.

No, siree. Uncle Sam can do jingoism with the best of 'em.

In case you were wondering, Carlsberg don't have a monopoly on naff, jingoistic World Cup adverts.

So, what are USA's chances? We used to have a terrier bitch at home named Sally, God rest her soul. She was territorial, occasionally aggressive, wasn't afraid of anyone or anything and had the heart of a lion. She'd happily take on any dog (or car, she wasn't the brightest) in a scrap, no matter how much bigger than her they were, because in her head, she was as big as any car or Alsation.

The USA football team remind me a lot of that dog - after lots of aggressive pre-match barking, growling, yapping and nipping, they won't be afraid to get stuck in to a scrap tonight, but may well end up being outclassed by superior opposition and sent home bloodied, with their tail between their legs.

When push comes to shove, I think that England will probably be too good for Team America tonight and could end up steamrollering their opposition, however brave a performance they put in. That said, four games have been played in these World Cup finals thus far and we're still awaiting our first upset of note. It will come; maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but soon, etc and so on. Landon Donovan and his soccerball superstars aren't good enough to win the World Cup, but on their day, they're certainly good enough to beat England. Tonight is their World Cup final.

England: Green, Johnson, Terry, King, Ashley Cole, Lennon,
Lampard, Gerrard, Milner, Heskey, Rooney.
Subs: James, Barry, Carragher, Carrick, Joe Cole, Crouch, Dawson, Defoe, Upson, Warnock, Wright-Phillips, Hart.

USA: Howard, Cherundolo, DeMerit, Onyewu, Bocanegra, Dempsey,
Bradley, Clark, Donovan, Findley, Altidore.
Subs: Guzan, Beasley, Bornstein, Buddle, Edu, Feilhaber, Gomez, Goodson, Holden, Spector, Torres, Hahnemann.

Referee: Carlos Eugenio Simon (Brazil)

England team news: Fabio Capello has already cost me £5 tonight, as I was so certain he'd pick Joe Hart in goal ahead of David James and Robert Green that I put a bet on with my West Ham-supporting colleague Jacob Steinburg, who has already collected a tatty blue piece of paper bearing the Queen's head. Here's Capello's starting XI for tonight: Robert Green, Glen Johnson, John Terry, Ledley King, Ashley Cole, Aaron Lennon, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, James Milner, Wayne Rooney, Emile Heskey.

Good evening everybody! Tonight's World Cup 2010 Group C match between England and the USA kicks off at 19:30, but according to the joke that's been doing the rounds, the Americans won't turn up until 19:41, at which point they'll claim victory.

Hur-de-hur.

While you're waiting for the blood-letting to begin, I can't recommend highly enough that you watch this short movie about the grisly demise of Joe Gaetjens that was pinged my way earlier today.

Joe, as many of you will know, was the Haitian immigrant who scored the goal in the USA's famous 1-0 victory over England in Brazil 1950; a result that was considered so unthinkable that at least one Fleet Street newspapers presumed the post-match telegram/fax-type-thing they received from their man on the spot to be in error and published a scoreline of England 10-1 USA. Anyway, watch the film - trust me, it'll be nine minutes well spent and the bit at 8min 04sec would bring a tear to a glass eye.