Greeny News

MOTD2, Cole's devastation, goalkeeping blunders, Given go and the charmed existence of Marlon Harewood

MOTD2 is trying too hard

While it would be unfair to single out stand-up comedian Kevin Day as the brains behind the televisual atrocity that was James Corden's World Cup Live show, he did have some input. It was therefore no surprise to see him pitch up outside Villa Park with a shine box, having fallen on hard times after losing his gig as roving MOTD2 reporter as a result of this guilt by association. What did surprise was the revelation that Day hadn't actually been forced into a life of back-breaking servitude as a shoeshine boy, but was doing a "bit", canvassing a local journalist, celebrity Villa fan Nigel Kennedy and a number of fans, on the spurious grounds that people are apparently more honest when their footwear is being buffed. With the benefit of hindsight it's probably fair to say Day should have been mending shoes, not cleaning them, as the segment in question was unmitigated cobblers.

Back in the studio where BBC2's Sunday night Premier League highlights package continued, new presenter Colin Murray was forced to mug his way frantically through a clearly signposted "funny" and sepia-tinted look at what we miss about old football. Neither feature worked and smacked of desperation to over-compensate for the loss of former anchor Adrian Chiles, who, while amusing, isn't exactly Lenny Bruce (or even Lenny Henry or Lenny Bennett) and hardly that big a loss.

Day and Murray are both genial, wry and capable enough to give good telly without having to resort to such lame gimmicks, which waste time that could be better utilised showing more match highlights, fat men sleeping in the stands or that footage of Blackburn Rovers midfielder David Dunn tripping himself up while trying to emulate Ronaldinho.

Liverpool must play with 10 men are more

Joe Cole was reported to be "devastated" after being sent off on his Premier League debut with Liverpool for a tackle on the Arsenal centre-half Laurent Koscielny, although it remains unclear whether it was the red card or a performance so poor his side were markedly improved by his absence that upset him so. Even before his dismissal, Cole's contribution to the Liverpool cause was negligible, possibly as a result of him trying too hard to impress the Anfield faithful. After a fairly lethargic first-half effort, his team-mates roared out of the traps in the second period to take an unlikely lead that was cancelled out by a dropped clanger from their goalkeeper.

The Premier League's goalkeeping coaches are in for a busy week

José Reina wasn't the only goalkeeper to spend time with his hands on his hips, shaking his head in embarrassed self-loathing. The Premier League's opening list of fixtures threw up a surprising number of blunders from the men between the sticks. Arsenal's Manuel Almunia gave his defenders the jitters with a couple of trademark flaps and his poor positioning allowed David Ngog to beat him courtesy of a near post rasper. Everton's Tim Howard, West Ham's Robert Green and Sunderland's Simon Mignolet helped take the heat off their colleagues from the Goalkeepers' Union, showing admirable solidarity with ricks of their own, while Chris Kirkland served up a performance so bad he resembled a sickly child who'd been gifted the chance to play in goal for Wigan Athletic by a charity. The grim news for Latics fans is that in six appearances last season, Kirkland's deputy Mike Pollitt conceded no fewer than 23 goals.

Shay Given's career at Manchester City is almost certainly over

One goalkeeper who did have an unsurprisingly assured opening to the Premier League campaign was Joe Hart, whose transformation into an octopus helped Manchester City to keep Tottenham Hotspur scoreless as they threatened to run riot in the opening half at White Hart Lane. Occasionally, after one of Hart's excellent saves, the Sky producer would order his minions to cut to the camera trained on Hart's predecessor as City's first-choice goalkeeper, Shay Given, and was probably gutted that he couldn't treat viewers to footage of the Irishman visibly scowling, spitting contemptuously or cursing his replacement's name.

What we did see was an accomplished goalkeeper who probably knows the jig is up for him at City and is ready to assess his options, the least appealing of which must be a season spent kicking his heels on the bench. Fulham are believed to be interested, but it's telling that Given still isn't being linked with a move to a top club playing Champions League football in England or abroad. Their scouts have obviously seen the shortcomings â€" an inability to command his penalty area and a reluctance to come off his line for crosses â€" hordes of the player's army of fanatical Irish cheerleaders refuse to accept exist.

Marlon Harewood leads a very charmed life

In light of the brace he scored on his dream debut for Blackpool, I thought it might be interesting to check Marlon Harewood's stats to see if he's one of those confidence players who scores week in and week out once his tail is up. He isn't. Far from it, in fact, having scored only very sporadically over the past four seasons, bagging five, one, six and four each campaign going back to the 2006-07 season. Yes, he hit a purple patch in the season before that, bagging 22 for West Ham in one season, but it speaks volumes about the Premier League that a striker who scores so infrequently is still able to trouser more than £10,000 per week despite not being very good. The sad thing is, he's not exactly in the minority.